Like a what, exactly?

I was talking to a friend yesterday and he used the expression "..face like a dropped pie". Maybe I need to get out more - has this one been around for ages and I just haven't noticed it? It's succint and not quite so self-conscioususly smartarsed as some of the other (still delightful) alternatives:


Face like a:
.... half-sucked mango
.... hatful of spiders

Or, as an old friend of mine once said, in an improvement on the spider one, "face like a hatful of spiders, but with the three good-looking ones taken out".

The same friend who gave me the pie one knows that I'm very keen on colorful expressions, especially if they're crude. He told me (and I doubt he would lie about this) that many years ago he was having a drink with his then-girlfriend and her mother, and the mother excused herself to pee by using the phrase "I have to go and squeeze my mop". I've only heard this once since, at a dinner party in London. It's almost too good.