Bad analogies

I was browsing on snopes, and there was a thing that went around which was allegedly a collection of really bad analogies and metaphors taken from high school essays. (Of course, it was nothing of the sort, they were all from the Washington Post, where they were part of a contest. They were deliberately bad.) Some of these were really good:

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge on a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the sidewalk like a hefty bag filled with soup.

He was lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.