Beer

You'll thank me for this later, I know. I discovered today that if you have a beer that doesn't have a twist-top (and the Peroni pictured here is a perfect example, given that it's exactly the beer I had in my hand when I made this discovery) and you can't find a bottle-opener, you can use a kickstand from a kids' bicycle.

Perfect!

Bad analogies

I was browsing on snopes, and there was a thing that went around which was allegedly a collection of really bad analogies and metaphors taken from high school essays. (Of course, it was nothing of the sort, they were all from the Washington Post, where they were part of a contest. They were deliberately bad.) Some of these were really good:

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge on a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the sidewalk like a hefty bag filled with soup.

He was lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.

New favorite

I have a new favorite website. Have a look.
PassiveAggressiveNotes.

Too good to check

From Crikey.com.au, in the letters and comments:

"Geoff Russell, Animal Liberation SA, writes: There is an interesting statistic that is relevant to both the Garnaut report and climate change. It comes from a large European cancer and nutrition study group of about 60,000 meat eaters, vegans and vegetarians in the UK --- 41% of vegans are single, compared with 13% of meat eaters and 25% of vegetarians."

Sitcom

In Crikey, Guy Rundle describes some especially insipid music as being "..like.. the theme to a cancelled sitcom". I love it.

Crisis

Korea isn't suffering a Financial Crisis, Vice Finance Minister Kim says <-- great headline on bloomberg yesterday.

Cheap

I'm watching 'Four Corners' - a current affairs show on our state-owned broadcaster - and the story this week is that the two big supermarket chains here in Australia are using their buying power to strike aggressive bargains with their suppliers, which they then pass on to consumers. I know, I'm as horrified by this as you are.

They found a guy who owns a company that makes ice-cream, and he said that he buys the milk that goes into the ice-cream from the supermarket at retail price, because if he asks the dairy companies for a wholesale price it's higher. So to source this crucial raw ingredient he drives to the supermarket, buys milk and saves about 30%. And he was whingeing about it.

Naive.

I was having dinner tonight in the local Japanese (actually Korean) noodle place when I overheard a conversation that I just have to share.

A young man and a young woman, mid20s, by the look of them. Not a date, maybe just friends. He started telling her that he'd been to see some sort of therapist about his allergies, and went on to describe how they put a vial containing a possible antagonist in your hand, then see whether you can generate any force with your arm (they push down on your arm gently, you resist). The idea is that if the vial contains something you're allergic to, you won't have the strength. They do this over and over again with different allergens.

He said to her that they'd told him this was because the electromagnetic field of the allergen interfered with the electromagnetic field of the body (which seemed to him to be entirely reasonable, I guess).

They'd tested the things he knew he was allergic to, and sure enough he was indeed allergic to pollen and dog hair. But then, he told her, they had tested for other things and it turned out he was allergic to things he didn't even know he was allergic to! And even better, not only could they cure the allergies he knew he had, they could also cure these extra ones! And only $85 each!

There's something almost touching about this sort of naivite. He didn't stop and think "hang on.. this guy's in the business of selling allergy 'cures', so it's in his interest to diagnose lots and lots of allergies". And before you jump in, yes, I'm sure your cousin Vicky was cured like this and has never looked back.

He said that part of the cure involved being hooked up to a machine (which, I can imagine had a few dials and stuff, probably a couple of LEDs too) which did something that neutralized the electromagnetic field. And then, no more asthma, no more hay fever. And no more of those allergies he didn't even know he had.