Clubs

Melbourne: I discovered that members of the Melbourne Club call the Victoria Club "Sizzler in the Sky", due to its location on the 41st floor of the Rialto tower. I love this sort of thing, and Melbourne's especially good at secrets and in-jokes. An acquaintance of mine here runs a bar which is difficult to find even if you know exactly where it is and have been given directions. He has no interest in attracting walk-in traffic, and takes the view that anyone who doesn't know where it is shouldn't be there in the first place. Very Melbourne.

I am sooooo bad

I realised today, as I was watching it with my kids, that my absolute favorite television show is 'Australia's Funniest Home Videos', or as we call it, 'the funny show'. And if that's not bad enough, now I really like the stoopid voiceovers that accompany every video.

Americans - and antiAmericans

In Melbourne today, at Southbank with 3 of my kids. We were watching a street performer (and there are some good ones there) who asked for 2 volunteers from the audience. He said he needed strong men. He pointed at one man, who agreed. He pointed to the man in front of me, who demurred (despite my pushing him forward) and then asked me. I was up for it. I left my kids (who were in the very front of the crowd) and helped the other man, Stu, to assemble a rickety tower of milkcrates. There was quite a bit of patter and some pretty good jokes. Then he said "are there any Americans here? put your hands up?". I was motioning to my son - who is in fact a US citizen - to put his hand up but he didn't, perhaps quite sensibly. (He's 8).

When he had ascertained that there were no Americans in the audience he said something like "they're all bastards". This is annoying on a number of levels. For a start, my son (and my other son, for that matter) is not a bastard. Nor is he fat, stupid, gun-crazy, a god-botherer or any of the other things that everyone accuses Americans of. I don't get it. Enlightened, progressive people who wouldn't otherwise give in to really gross national stereotyping will have no qualms in making sweeping statements about Americans.

It's annoying in another way. I assume it's done as an inclusionary thing - we (the performer, the crowd) are all drawn together by our shared anti-americanism. It's a very cheap rhetorical shot, and cowardly. I remember years ago, as an adolescent, being at a comedy show and the comic making a clumsy reference to how stupid and corrupt Joh Bjelke-Petersen was, which of course drew a laugh from the crowd, and in much the same way. We all then, safe in our shared anti-Johism, hunkered down for more 'comedy'. But even though I loathed the Kingaroy peanut I still felt the whole thing has been co-opted in a nasty and cheap way. I really don't like being told how to think - especially if I already think that way anyway.

FI

I really have to report that my Fabulousness Index was pretty much off the scale today. Maybe it's something to do with wearing a suit - and that blue shirt helped. Must remember that. I saw on someone's profile somewhere "Please, be a bit fabulous"

"The climate is important, but so are our jobs and growth" <- PM

Two great things in this morning's Australian:

on the Opinion page, the 'Cut&Paste' section had a headline "The Climate is important, but so are our jobs and growth". A John Howard (who else!) speech in Brissie yesterday. And that's it in a horrid little nutshell, I think it really captures the essence of Howardism perfectly. I used to marvel when I first came back to Australia at the depth of feeling among the Howard-haters but now I completely get it. And of course the "Outstanding Broadcaster" thing was a disgrace, but not a surprise. What was a bit surprising, however, was that Mr Rudd went along. Can you imagine Paul Keating doing that?

The other one was a throwback, p7 "Journalist pulled Gun". Two very well-lubricated jounalists, 515am outside a pub in Surry Hills. One called the other a "poofter", and there was this priceless bit of dialogue "just come outside you f..cking c...". Then a gun was produced. Marvellous.

ATMs

When you go to an ATM, do you get a receipt? I don't, and I'm trying to think why anyone would. I've seen people get a printed receipt - or maybe a balance statement - and put it in their wallet. I can almost understand why someone would do that. (But still - why not look it up online? Why not just remember your balance? When do you clean these out of your wallet? Do you ever actually look at them again ever?)

But most people who get receipts look at them quickly, then stuff them in the little receipt disposal thing, the one that's usually overflowing. Does this make sense? The ATM's just told you on its little screen that you've just taken out $200, and that your balance is $672.34 or whatever.

I can't help myself

I was at a presentation today given by some lawyers, to do with some fairly obscure aspects of law relating to large construction contracts (yes, I know you probably think my life is impossibly glamorous, but I do have a real job and everything). In the middle of this presentation they introduced a term which gave me the giggles so much that I had to immediately send an alert to some friends. The term? "Relief Event"

Dialogue

This is pretty-much verbatim, a discussion I had with my PA today. I got back from a meeting, she said:

PA(ruefully): I did something very bad
Me: How bad, what was it?
PA: Someone called for you and I've completely forgotten who it was..
Me: Anything at all..?
PA: He was from Melbourne, and he seemed to know you well, and I think his name was Andrew.. he sounded friendly
Me (hesitantly): Did he sound nice
PA: Yes
Me: Oh, I think I might know who that is. I have a friend in Melbourne and he's very nice and very friendly.
PA: Oh, what's his last name?
Me (strange and guilty pause): Err... I don't know

FM

I was driving around Melbourne yesterday, and heard someone on FOX FM (it wasn't my choice!) use the word 'awesome', then, in the following sentence, describe someone as being a 'foxy lady'. I don't think it was ironic.

Everyone's got a horrible secret, mine's that usually when I'm driving around Melbourne I listen to GOLD FM.